October 2017

Do not fall in love with your soulmate

9. october 2017 at 17:18 | Black Demon |  prose
I have a theory.
Now, don ´t get me wrong; I don ´t believe in Fate, in predestination, at least not usually. But I believe, I want to believe, that when the Universe was created, when everything was born from nothing, that maybe, maybe there were atoms, particles that were close together. A stardust.
And later, as everything was spinning around, as the Universe itself was expanding, in a hot mess, in a chaos of Creation, these atoms, these particles were separated.

They later became humans.
Living, breathing beings that feel, their whole lives, like something is missing, but they don ´t know what it might be.
They - we - try to find it, that missing piece, but the Universe is vast and deep and the probability of us finding the one is small, basically non-existent.

But sometimes, it happens.
Sometimes, one person out of a million, manages to find their soulmate. Maybe it ´s fate, maybe it ´s just pure luck - but what matters is that once you find them, you are doomed.
You are doomed to fail, you are doomed to suffer, because it should have never happened. The Universe will not like it and it will do its best to stop you from coming together, from becoming one, as you were at the dawn of the days.
Now, you see, it ´s not that the Universe is cruel; it just doesn ´t like happy endings. It doesn ´t like happy endings, because if they were so easy to get, people would stop trying.

Don ´t fall in love with your soulmate; you will never last.
You will be like shooting stars.
You will fall together and you will burn bright, only for seconds, even though it will feel like eternity. You will burn and you will feel like it ´s worth it, but then, suddenly, you will crash hard and everything will be dark and cold.

Do not fall in love with your soulmate; you will destroy each other.
At first, they will feel like Sun; you will want to keep close to them, bath in their light and warmth. And it will be beautiful and you will feel so alive.
But then, you will realize that their gravity is much stronger than you thought and you will not be able to fight it. You will not be able to keep yourself at a safe distance and you will burn.
They will be like a black hole.
And they will see you the same way.
You will be two black holes colliding, destroying everything in their path, destroying each other.

Do not fall in love with your soulmate. Do not allow it, do not fall in love with them, ever. Not in this Universe, not in this life.
Always tell yourself that you will meet in another life, that somewhere out there is a Universe, one out of a billion, a Universe where things are different. Another life, where billion to one chances work.

I have a theory; I have a theory that the Universe, that Fate (on those rare moments when I believe in its existence) is a wicked thing. It is happy to see our hardship.

Will to live

8. october 2017 at 19:45 | Black Demon |  prose
There were times when I believed that everyone had a reason to be here.
When I thought that everyone had a role they play in this world and I desperately wanted to discover the one that belonged to me.
But then I grew older and I still hadn´t heard my calling. I grew older and I noticed that there are many people who don´t play any roles.
And that was when I realized that life is not a play, that there is no script and that we all just walk around aimlessly, without order, without a goal, trying to find a higher plan where there is none.

So what is our reason to live, why do we carry on? Why do we still wake up in the morning and go about our days even though we know, deep in our minds, that nothing will every make sense and that once, at some point in the future, not only we will die, but the Sun itself will explode and our planet will be gone and there will be no traces of our lives.

Why do we still carry on.
Why do we still hang on to life.
Why won´t we just give up.

Because we have dreams.
Because we have choosen to believe that there actually is a higher power. That there is something, a god, a cosmical power, fate, the Universe, whatever - something that cares about us, something that holds the world in order.
Something that tells us that things don´t happen just by accidents, that we don´t meet people without a cause and that in the end, everything will make sense.

And when you choose to believe, when you believe in something very, very badly, these things have tendency to come true.
And because of that, I believe, I believe that I have a purpose, that I mean something, that I matter and that one day, one day all secrets will be revealed.
And it doesn´t even matter if that day won´t come till the day I die, because as long as I believe, my life will have a purpose and I will have a reason.

I will have a will to live and carry on.

A new hope

6. october 2017 at 22:23 | Black Demon
It´s been a long time.
It´s been a long time and I felt so terribly tired and empty and life was not worth living. I felt dead and my feelings were numb and all faith and hope was lost.

I thought that I would continue to live like this, maybe till the end of my days, loveless and unloved, in a gray world that was tinged black at the edges.

Once, I was full of dreams and colours and I sang a song that nobody heard and the whole world turned its back and they´ve left me in the dark, in the cold. So I stopped singing and all the colours faded and it hurt so much, but I couldn´t see any other way.

So I changed my endless dreams for a dull company of the others, of the faceless mass and soon, I started to feel that I was turning faceless, too. It hurt, it hurt so much to have my dreams ripped right out of my chest and it hurt even more when I wanted to sing and realized that my voice was gone.
I bowed my head and carried on and the light in my heart was dying.

And then, suddenly, when I thought that all the magic and music was lost, I saw a bright light in the middle of a dark room. I saw a pure soul, untainted, a white fire made of dreams and ideas and I felt as something inside of my cold, cold chest has moved.

It was a star, a bright Sun and I found myself getting close, too close and its mass, its gravitation started to pull me closer and I knew that I was doomed, but I couldn´t help myself.

Suddenly, the world is full of colours once again and I have found my voice and I sing a song my Sun can hear. And I became his satellite, I am close enough to feel his warmth and light, but not close enough to burn with him.

I am Icarus, trying to fly into the Sun, even though I know that I will burn.